Archive | April, 2013

Limits To Illegal Activities

28 Apr

One of my students went to a house party in America.

He said his friends played music, gave him vodka & red bull, and played drinking games (“Beer Pong” and “Never Have I Ever”).

They also smoked…weed.

He said “they smoked weed but I didn’t because I was too scared.”

Well I am glad that you only participating in the illegal under-aged drinking and not the illegal smoking.

Who’s A “True Star”?

24 Apr

One of my guy students walked past me smelling like that Tommy Hilfiger scent “True Star”.

The only thing is, it smelled like the one I wear:
Well on the plus side, I am certain that women like this scent?
Oh Korea, you always surprise me with how different your gender roles are from ours.
After all, the world’s first men’s red lipstick just premiered here by one of Korea’s “Big Bang” heartthrobs, G-Dragon.
It totally made me think of this:

What Do You Mean By “Big”…?

20 Apr
I hate that this image is what came to mind almost immediately.

I hate that this image is what came to mind almost immediately.

Test Question:  Is your family big?

My father is big, next brother, next me, next mother.”

This made me smile.  It’s not quantity, it’s quality.

You’ve Been Warned

16 Apr

Ain-t-Nobody-Got-Time-Fo-Dat-sweet-brown-31241125-480-330

 

Me: You have 1 month to complete this assignment. I want you to come to my office and talk to me about anything for 5 minutes. This is a “chit chat”. It is 5% of your grade. DON’T WAIT TIL THE LAST MINUTE BECAUSE IF I AM BUSY, I WILL TELL YOU NO.

 
Students: YESSS…

 

*fast forwards 4 weeks later…DUE DATE*

 
Students: *knocking on my door, turning knob trying to come in*

 
Me: *Inside my office, putting both hands over my mouth to muffle my giggling*.  I DONE TOLD Y’ALL…today I work almost 10 hrs so I do NOT have office hours today and will NOT be making an exception!

Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid

12 Apr

tmi-anime-cartoon1

 

The guys were on one…I learned entirely too much information about 3 of them.
Student 1:  Runs out of the room cupping his “pee pee” like a lil boy.

 
Student 2:  When I asked him why he came to class late, he said he was so sorry, he “had to poo poo” (He is like 6’5″…I almost laughed in his face…wth).

 
Student 3:  Asked me if he could go to the bathroom during class because his “tummy hurts.”  Did I go back to teaching elementary school students and nobody told me?

Then right when I think I’m dealing with kids all day today, in my last class, I asked one student what he does everyday and he looked me dead in my eyes and said “Think about Professor” with a grin.  This is the same student who told me he gets excited about coming to my class because he wants to see what I am wearing for the day.

He said I’m tall and skinny so everything looks good on me.

Ummm, thanks?

The Scent of a Woman

8 Apr
Give him a few years...soon his "Darla" will smell lovely and he'll be smitten.

Give him a few years…soon his “Darla” will smell lovely and he’ll be smitten.

 

“Harry Hair:  (he really does have the best head of hair I’ve seen out here) “Teacha…. You stink.”
Me:  Oh, you think so?
HH:  Yes! YUUCK!
Me:  What do I smell like?
HH:  Sweetuh Flowahs and candy! >.< (with the most disgusted face)
Me:  So you don’t like my new perfume? (trying so hard not to laugh)
HH:  NO! You stink! You are smell!
Me:  Aww, give it a few years punkin’ and you’ll adore the scent of a woman!
HH:  Scent? What is scent? Stink smell!?
Me:  BWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

 

Submitted by:  AbataTeacha

Flirting Fails

4 Apr
I imagine this was her reaction as she was both in shock and gasping for fresh air.

I imagine this was her reaction as she was both in shock and gasping for fresh air.

 

One student said he was working out and some cute girl walked by so he tried to flex his pecks for her.

 

Well, he ate sweet potatoes that day and they give him gas.

He said “I farted really really loudly in front of her.

 

Should’ve flexed the butt muscles buddy…the butt muscles.

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