Archive | May, 2015

Amma’s PCC stories (adults)

14 May

 

(One of my Chinese students has mentioned before that he thinks I’m cute. Today, this is what happened)
Student: “What’s this?”
Me:”Mirror”
Student: “Mirror. Ok. Tomorrow, you’re going to look at a mirror and say ‘Oh! SO beautiful. OK?”
Me: (-_-) …

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These are also ESOL students but at Concordia University:
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(My friends know this of me, I speak really really fast sometimes)
(An advanced student came to my class to bring my new students. He asks me a question and I respond in English. He looks blank. I respond with the same answer in Arabic this time)

Student: Wow! Mashallah.
Me: What?
Student: Wallah (By God); just like a Ferrari. You speak just like a Ferrari. Too fast!

 

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(At ELS, if students do a really good job in class in any category, teachers can give them tickets which go towards a raffle drawing. The grand prize is always an iPod Shuffle.)
(One student is acting really dramatically and stares at me for a while):
Student: Teacher! Look! I finished my work AND I’m helping my classmate. Can I get a ticket?
Me: No, not when you’re trying to show off. It doesn’t count.
Student: AW MAN!!!
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Student on graduation day: TEACHER!!! THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME PASS THIS CLASS!!!
Me: Why are you telling me thank you? You did all of the work plus extra.
Student: I can’t believe I passed this level! Still teacher, thank you!
*Dramatically dances away*
Me: …. SMH
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(On the last day of every session, I buy cheesecake for my students to reward them for a job well done.)
Students: Teacher! I hope that you will teach me for next session and for all the sessions until I graduate?
Me: Why? Because of the cheesecake?
Students: OF COURSE!!!
Me: (0-0) I knew it!!!
Other students: No, no, no, this is actually honestly the best class we’ve ever taken and we’ve learned a lot. We really like the way you teach.

I think it’s the cheesecake…

(I bump into one of my former students on the way to work.)
My student: Why aren’t you teaching me this session?
Me: *jokingly* Thank God you’re not in my class!
Student: Come on, I wasn’t THAT bad!!!

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My UAE students almost hit me in the parking lot today because of speeding.
At first they had a shocked face.
I glare at them.
They give me a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG smile and wave then laugh as they drive away…. (-_-)
Adult students… sure….

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Student: I miss you teaching me!
Me: Sorry, I can’t choose my classes.
Student: Teach me next term, OK?
Me: I can’t choose my classes!
Student: Just make it happen. Ok, bye teacher!

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A student asks me to see his grades. I show it to him.
Student: Can I see (classmate’s name)’s grades?
Me: NU UH!!!
Student 2: Nu uh? Ahahaha so cute! She said “nu uh!”
Me: (-_-)….

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One student comes to me and hands me a few cellphones.
Student: Here teacher, Amana (trust to keep something safe)
Me: Ok, thank you.
I notice later that he pulls out another cellphone.
I find out that the cellphones he gave belonged to his classmates…
Me: (0o0) !!!! You can’t give amana that isn’t yours!
Student: *smiles* It’s amana from them to me to you
Me:… you took it without their permission…
Student: They didn’t complain.
Other students smile…
Me: (-_-) …

Today, I met my new students. New students = New stories. This is just day 1:

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(For some reason, my Arab students are always singing in my class)

Me: Why are you singing in my class?

Students: Because we’re happy!

Me: (-_-)

Students: *continue* And, since we know that you understand, when you hear us being happy, it will make you happy!

Me: (0-0) That’s… good… I guess…

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(My coworkers asks me which class I’m teaching this session. I tell her. She tells me: Good luck! That’s a troublesome group.)
(After class, I noticed that the whole lesson went well. So, I ask the students about it.)

Me: Thank you. You all did a great job today. That’s different than what a teacher told me. A coworker told me you were trouble and spoke too much Arabic in class. Do you know why?

Arab Student: *Happily and confidently* We’re good students! And, we didn’t speak Arabic last session teacher; we spoke FRENCH!

Me: (-_-) Sure….

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(My friends know this of me, I speak really really fast sometimes)
(An advanced student came to my class to bring my new students. He asks me a question and I respond in English. He looks blank. I respond with the same answer in Arabic this time)

Student: Wow! Mashallah.
Me: What?
Student: Wallah (By God); just like a Ferrari. You speak just like a Ferrari. Too fast!

(I’m subbing for a bunch of classes this week while a coworker is out. One student sees me walk up the stairs.)
Student: Teacher, don’t tell me YOU’RE teaching us?
Me: *confused* Yes…?
(The student gets up suddenly and slings his backpack on.)
Student: OMG! LET’S GO GUYS!!! HURRY UP AND GET INTO CLASS!!! THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN!!!!!

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(I allowed students to use their smartphones to look up vocabulary words.)
Student: Teacher, look here.
Me: What?
Student: Say “Hi” to my family! They didn’t believe me when I said that I have a young teacher that wears hijab and is good at teaching us.
Me: (0-0) Are you seriously Skyping in class?
Student: Teacher, I want to show my parents that I’m Ok.
Me: I thought we were all adults here…
Student: Sometimes!
(SMH)

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Student: Teacher, you look very tired.
Me: I am tired.
Student: We are all tired. How about we all just use this class time and sleep? Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone.
Me: Really funny. Thank you but no.
Student: Aw, that would’ve been a fun and easy class…

Student updates:

(My car is being repaired. So,the current car that I’m driving is a former police car)

Students: teacher!!! You’re so awesome!!!
Me: why?
Students: because your car is soooooo cool!!!
Me: (-_-)
Student: teacher, I have a quotation.
Me: yes….?
Student: are you under cover?
Me: no!!! I’m a teacher!!! That’s all!
Student: I don’t think so. You’re most likely teacher by day and an agent by night… I got you…
Me: (0_0) no, i’m not!
Student: *convinced he’s figured it out, walks away*
Me: (0o0) ….!!!

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Me: there’s no homework today. Enjoy your weekend.
Students: yaaaaaaaaaa!!! THANK YOU TEACHER!!!! *most of them start dancing*
Me: (-,-) *this doesn’t faze me anymore*

(As I’m picking up the new material for this new session today, I hear really odd noises in the hallway. I pay attention and it sounds like goats… Confused, I turn around to look.
It is 7 of my previous students smiling really widely and waving like crazy. Seriously? Why goat sounds? Crazy funny students. SMH…

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(One of my former Japanese students tells me to listen to her.)
Student: I’ve been practicing. *clears throat*
Me: ok…
Student:*In Arabic* listen, you have to respect me because I’m a princess!!! ):D
Me: :0 !!! OMG, so weird. Who is teaching you that?
Student: Teacher, one more!
Me: …. Ok….
Student: *In Arabic* just once, I’d like you to hug and kiss me!
Me: (0o0) !!!! No way! Ew!! Why? Yada!!! (I don’t want in Japanese)
(students laugh)

(My Emirate student with a serious expression asks me):
Student: Teacher, are you Muslim?
Me: (0-0) … Are you seriously asking me that?
Student 2: Are you stupid??? OBVIOUSLY she’s Muslim! What? You don’t see that she’s Muslim???
Me: Um.. ya, I think this hijab is a dead giveaway… (-_-)
Student: Okay, good. I was making sure because I wanted to forward you Islamic lectures since my brother is religious.
Me: (-_-) Okay…
(I can’t believe he asked that… SMH)

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(While substituting for another class, I see a student pull out his cellphone).
Me: This is a test, you can’t use your phone.
Student: Teacher, just pretend you don’t see me.
Me: (0o0) !!! I will take the phone away and use it until tomorrow. After that, you will have a big bill to pay.
Student: Ok ok, I will put it away.
Me: (-_-) …

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(While giving a test in my class, my students start talking to each other)
Me: You cannot talk to your classmates or use your phone during the test.
Student: Teacher, we’re not cheating. We’re just “helping.”
Me: (0o0) Haram (forbidden)!!! There’s no “helping” during a test.
Students: Aw, man! She said “haram.” That’s a big word. Okay, okay, no more talking.
Me: Thank you. (-_-)

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(The students in my class are exchanging contact information)
Students: Teacher, do you have facebook?
Other students: Of course, she has to have facebook!
Me: Yes, I do. Why?
Students: Can we add you?
Me: Yes…
Students: Yay!
Me: I said you could add me; I never said I would accept you. Mwahahahahaha!
Students: Teacher!!! (0o0) So mean!
Me: Mwahahahhahaha! Just kidding. If you like, you can add me.

One of my former students today:

Student: teacher, I really need.your help.
Me: uh huh… With what?
Student: I need you to write an essay for me.
Me: you mean you need help with your essay
Student: no, I’ll write the essay and you do the summary homework for me.
Me: no, haram.
Student: teacher, no one will know.
Me: even if no one knows, Allah (God) knows.
His friends: ooooooh!!!!
Student: teacher, God will know that you helped a student in desperate need.
Me: no, God will know that I helped a lazy student cheat.
His friends: AHAHHAAHA!!!

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