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Amma’s PCC stories (adults)

14 May

 

(One of my Chinese students has mentioned before that he thinks I’m cute. Today, this is what happened)
Student: “What’s this?”
Me:”Mirror”
Student: “Mirror. Ok. Tomorrow, you’re going to look at a mirror and say ‘Oh! SO beautiful. OK?”
Me: (-_-) …

_____________________________________________________________________

These are also ESOL students but at Concordia University:
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(My friends know this of me, I speak really really fast sometimes)
(An advanced student came to my class to bring my new students. He asks me a question and I respond in English. He looks blank. I respond with the same answer in Arabic this time)

Student: Wow! Mashallah.
Me: What?
Student: Wallah (By God); just like a Ferrari. You speak just like a Ferrari. Too fast!

 

————————————-
(At ELS, if students do a really good job in class in any category, teachers can give them tickets which go towards a raffle drawing. The grand prize is always an iPod Shuffle.)
(One student is acting really dramatically and stares at me for a while):
Student: Teacher! Look! I finished my work AND I’m helping my classmate. Can I get a ticket?
Me: No, not when you’re trying to show off. It doesn’t count.
Student: AW MAN!!!
———————————
Student on graduation day: TEACHER!!! THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME PASS THIS CLASS!!!
Me: Why are you telling me thank you? You did all of the work plus extra.
Student: I can’t believe I passed this level! Still teacher, thank you!
*Dramatically dances away*
Me: …. SMH
———————————
(On the last day of every session, I buy cheesecake for my students to reward them for a job well done.)
Students: Teacher! I hope that you will teach me for next session and for all the sessions until I graduate?
Me: Why? Because of the cheesecake?
Students: OF COURSE!!!
Me: (0-0) I knew it!!!
Other students: No, no, no, this is actually honestly the best class we’ve ever taken and we’ve learned a lot. We really like the way you teach.

I think it’s the cheesecake…

(I bump into one of my former students on the way to work.)
My student: Why aren’t you teaching me this session?
Me: *jokingly* Thank God you’re not in my class!
Student: Come on, I wasn’t THAT bad!!!

—————–

My UAE students almost hit me in the parking lot today because of speeding.
At first they had a shocked face.
I glare at them.
They give me a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG smile and wave then laugh as they drive away…. (-_-)
Adult students… sure….

————–

Student: I miss you teaching me!
Me: Sorry, I can’t choose my classes.
Student: Teach me next term, OK?
Me: I can’t choose my classes!
Student: Just make it happen. Ok, bye teacher!

—————

A student asks me to see his grades. I show it to him.
Student: Can I see (classmate’s name)’s grades?
Me: NU UH!!!
Student 2: Nu uh? Ahahaha so cute! She said “nu uh!”
Me: (-_-)….

————-

One student comes to me and hands me a few cellphones.
Student: Here teacher, Amana (trust to keep something safe)
Me: Ok, thank you.
I notice later that he pulls out another cellphone.
I find out that the cellphones he gave belonged to his classmates…
Me: (0o0) !!!! You can’t give amana that isn’t yours!
Student: *smiles* It’s amana from them to me to you
Me:… you took it without their permission…
Student: They didn’t complain.
Other students smile…
Me: (-_-) …

Today, I met my new students. New students = New stories. This is just day 1:

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(For some reason, my Arab students are always singing in my class)

Me: Why are you singing in my class?

Students: Because we’re happy!

Me: (-_-)

Students: *continue* And, since we know that you understand, when you hear us being happy, it will make you happy!

Me: (0-0) That’s… good… I guess…

—————————————-

(My coworkers asks me which class I’m teaching this session. I tell her. She tells me: Good luck! That’s a troublesome group.)
(After class, I noticed that the whole lesson went well. So, I ask the students about it.)

Me: Thank you. You all did a great job today. That’s different than what a teacher told me. A coworker told me you were trouble and spoke too much Arabic in class. Do you know why?

Arab Student: *Happily and confidently* We’re good students! And, we didn’t speak Arabic last session teacher; we spoke FRENCH!

Me: (-_-) Sure….

—————————————————–

(My friends know this of me, I speak really really fast sometimes)
(An advanced student came to my class to bring my new students. He asks me a question and I respond in English. He looks blank. I respond with the same answer in Arabic this time)

Student: Wow! Mashallah.
Me: What?
Student: Wallah (By God); just like a Ferrari. You speak just like a Ferrari. Too fast!

(I’m subbing for a bunch of classes this week while a coworker is out. One student sees me walk up the stairs.)
Student: Teacher, don’t tell me YOU’RE teaching us?
Me: *confused* Yes…?
(The student gets up suddenly and slings his backpack on.)
Student: OMG! LET’S GO GUYS!!! HURRY UP AND GET INTO CLASS!!! THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN!!!!!

——————–

(I allowed students to use their smartphones to look up vocabulary words.)
Student: Teacher, look here.
Me: What?
Student: Say “Hi” to my family! They didn’t believe me when I said that I have a young teacher that wears hijab and is good at teaching us.
Me: (0-0) Are you seriously Skyping in class?
Student: Teacher, I want to show my parents that I’m Ok.
Me: I thought we were all adults here…
Student: Sometimes!
(SMH)

——————

Student: Teacher, you look very tired.
Me: I am tired.
Student: We are all tired. How about we all just use this class time and sleep? Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone.
Me: Really funny. Thank you but no.
Student: Aw, that would’ve been a fun and easy class…

Student updates:

(My car is being repaired. So,the current car that I’m driving is a former police car)

Students: teacher!!! You’re so awesome!!!
Me: why?
Students: because your car is soooooo cool!!!
Me: (-_-)
Student: teacher, I have a quotation.
Me: yes….?
Student: are you under cover?
Me: no!!! I’m a teacher!!! That’s all!
Student: I don’t think so. You’re most likely teacher by day and an agent by night… I got you…
Me: (0_0) no, i’m not!
Student: *convinced he’s figured it out, walks away*
Me: (0o0) ….!!!

_______

Me: there’s no homework today. Enjoy your weekend.
Students: yaaaaaaaaaa!!! THANK YOU TEACHER!!!! *most of them start dancing*
Me: (-,-) *this doesn’t faze me anymore*

(As I’m picking up the new material for this new session today, I hear really odd noises in the hallway. I pay attention and it sounds like goats… Confused, I turn around to look.
It is 7 of my previous students smiling really widely and waving like crazy. Seriously? Why goat sounds? Crazy funny students. SMH…

________

(One of my former Japanese students tells me to listen to her.)
Student: I’ve been practicing. *clears throat*
Me: ok…
Student:*In Arabic* listen, you have to respect me because I’m a princess!!! ):D
Me: :0 !!! OMG, so weird. Who is teaching you that?
Student: Teacher, one more!
Me: …. Ok….
Student: *In Arabic* just once, I’d like you to hug and kiss me!
Me: (0o0) !!!! No way! Ew!! Why? Yada!!! (I don’t want in Japanese)
(students laugh)

(My Emirate student with a serious expression asks me):
Student: Teacher, are you Muslim?
Me: (0-0) … Are you seriously asking me that?
Student 2: Are you stupid??? OBVIOUSLY she’s Muslim! What? You don’t see that she’s Muslim???
Me: Um.. ya, I think this hijab is a dead giveaway… (-_-)
Student: Okay, good. I was making sure because I wanted to forward you Islamic lectures since my brother is religious.
Me: (-_-) Okay…
(I can’t believe he asked that… SMH)

———–
(While substituting for another class, I see a student pull out his cellphone).
Me: This is a test, you can’t use your phone.
Student: Teacher, just pretend you don’t see me.
Me: (0o0) !!! I will take the phone away and use it until tomorrow. After that, you will have a big bill to pay.
Student: Ok ok, I will put it away.
Me: (-_-) …

———
(While giving a test in my class, my students start talking to each other)
Me: You cannot talk to your classmates or use your phone during the test.
Student: Teacher, we’re not cheating. We’re just “helping.”
Me: (0o0) Haram (forbidden)!!! There’s no “helping” during a test.
Students: Aw, man! She said “haram.” That’s a big word. Okay, okay, no more talking.
Me: Thank you. (-_-)

———–
(The students in my class are exchanging contact information)
Students: Teacher, do you have facebook?
Other students: Of course, she has to have facebook!
Me: Yes, I do. Why?
Students: Can we add you?
Me: Yes…
Students: Yay!
Me: I said you could add me; I never said I would accept you. Mwahahahahaha!
Students: Teacher!!! (0o0) So mean!
Me: Mwahahahhahaha! Just kidding. If you like, you can add me.

One of my former students today:

Student: teacher, I really need.your help.
Me: uh huh… With what?
Student: I need you to write an essay for me.
Me: you mean you need help with your essay
Student: no, I’ll write the essay and you do the summary homework for me.
Me: no, haram.
Student: teacher, no one will know.
Me: even if no one knows, Allah (God) knows.
His friends: ooooooh!!!!
Student: teacher, God will know that you helped a student in desperate need.
Me: no, God will know that I helped a lazy student cheat.
His friends: AHAHHAAHA!!!

_________

 

Mirror, Mirror

14 Jul

Julia Roberts in Mirror Mirror

 

(One of my Chinese students has mentioned before that he thinks I’m cute. Today, this is what happened)
Student:  “What’s this?”
Me: “Mirror”
Student: “Mirror. Ok. Tomorrow, you’re going to look at a mirror and say ‘Oh! SO beautiful. OK?”
Me: (-_-) …

 

Submitted by:  Amma

_______________

15 Jun
Fill in the Blanks - Image

(Courtesy: jokeroo.com)

 

Several students left fill-in-the-blank questions (w/word bank provided) BLANK and/or wrote their own answers…

O.o

I’m not really sure where to go from here…

Quiet Cooperation

3 Jun

https://i2.wp.com/i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/010/649/A7oiIih8uESN53mTLKhMxQ2.png

 

My coworkers asks me which class I’m teaching this session. I tell her.  She tells me: “Good luck! That’s a troublesome group.”

After class, I noticed that the whole lesson went well. So, I ask the students about it.

Me: Thank you. You all did a great job today. That’s different than what a teacher told me. A coworker told me you were trouble and spoke too much Arabic in class. Do you know why?

Arab Student: *Happily and confidently* We’re good students! And, we didn’t speak Arabic last session teacher; we spoke FRENCH!

Me: (-_-) Sure….

Submitted by:  Amma

Rain, Rain, Go Away…

26 May
rain animated GIF

(Courtesy: giphy.com)

(It’s raining like crazy)
Students:  Teacher! It’s barakah (blessing!) Isn’t it beautiful?
Me:  No!
Students:  What? Why?
Me:  Portland has too much barakah!
(students laugh)

Submitted by:  Amma

“Uh, yeah…”

22 May
Office Party

(Courtesy: thefw.com)

“Spain, United States, & United States Kingdom all are English language,…but Japan, China, and Korea is one country.
I’m not even going to touch this one; everyone make your own commentary.

*Cough Cough* But Coffee!

18 May
coffee animated GIF

Ah the power of a caffeine fix… (Courtesy: giphy.com)

 

My school has a policy that if students come 1-10mins late, it’s late; 10min+ is absent.  A few of my computer class students came almost 20min late for the first time.

They walk in smiling in a hurry.

Students:  Hi Teacher. Good morning Teacher!
Me: … =_= mmmhmmmm.
Students:  Teacher Teacher Teacher, before you say anything, let us explain.
Me:  mhmmm.
Students:  Teacher, we were a little bit late because we were really tired. Very very veeeery tired.
Me:  …. Mhmm…
Students:  So, we had to go get coffee.
Me:  Oh, that’s good because there’s coffee right next door in the library  …
Students:  No, teacher. That coffee is really bad, it’s terrible!!!
Me:  Nope, not an excuse for being late.
Students:  Teeeeeaaaacher!!!

Ah, the fun and joy my students give me.

Submitted by:  Amma

Cirumventing Circumstances

14 May
bill murray, lost in translation, scarlett johansson, text

There there… (Courtesy: favim.com)

One of my students decided to come speak with me after class to express his frustrations with the English language and the need to speak it.  He said he feels so much pressure to speak and foreigners make him nervous.  He also said his English is not very good, and he wishes he didn’t have to speak to anyone in English, especially native speakers.

Is anyone else besides me wondering why we are having this conversation then?  Let’s see:

Am I a foreigner?

CHECK.

Am I a native speaker?

CHECK.

Is he speaking to the aforementioned?

CHECK.

Is he speaking in English?

CHECK.

Is his English pretty good?

CHECK.

I’m not sure what response he was looking for from me.  Was I to say I don’t understand him?  Or maybe tell him his English sucks?  I got nothin’…

I just sat there and let him finish, then told him his English was great and I (as the foreigner/native speaker) understood everything he was saying and I’ll see him next week.

Him:  Ok thanks Professor; see you later.  Have a nice day.

Me: *sighs & shrugs*

I Wonder…

10 May

wonder twins

A couple showed up in “couples’ outfits” today…I don’t know why I immediately thought “Wonder Twin Power ACTIVATE!”

I hope everyone has a Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Purely Tainted

28 Apr

Yea…my girls definitely caught me off guard with that one…
(Courtesy: twistedsifter.com)

 

Student 1:  “I like pure guys…because that is very good.”

Student 2:  “Oh!  You are not pure?!”

Student 1:  “NO! hahahaha”

Me:  *awkwardly laughs and slowly walks away*